Really? are you really that dumb? ....

Every now and then, my professional life seems like a Saturday Night Live skit:

(don't worry - names have been changed to protect the retarded).

Interior. Doctor's examining room. Handsome doctor is talking to slack-jawed patient who's sitting on the examining room table with his shirt off. The doctor is peering intently at the patient's back with a large light and a magnifying glass.

Doctor: so, this thing? (pointing to a spot on the patient's back)
Patient: (squirming a little) Yes. what is it?
Doctor: oh, it's ... just a zit. In fact you have a bunch back here (doctor removes hand from patient's back and wipes it on his lab coat).
P: No. (thinks for a second; shakes his head) I don't think so.
D: (somewhat flustered) okayyy. (he locates another lesion) How about this one.
P: yeah ... that's another one.
D: (frowning) yeah - that's a zit too.
P: no, I don't think so. I think you're wrong.
D: well ... it looks like a zit.
P: nah. What are those little bumps people get on their skin ...
D: zits?
P: no ... they start out red and then get a whitish head thing. If you squeeze it, pus comes out?
D: like a zit?
P: no, not quite. People get them alot when they're teenagers ...
D: well, other names for zits are comedomes, acneiform lesions, blocked pores ...
P: no. You know, not zits - they can cause scars if you scratch them ...
D: (looking frustrated) like pock marks from zits?
P: hmmm ... nah. I get them when I eat greasy food and if I get all sweaty and don't shower.
D: (walks back to desk and sits down - sighing) do you want a lifeline?
P: what?
D: nothing. If you had them before, what did you use to treat them?
P: you know, over the counter stuff, like "NOXY 9".
D: you mean, "Oxy 10".
P: nope. I'm sure it's Noxy 5.
D: Do you mean "nonoxxynol 9"? the spermicide in condoms?
P: No - that's "minoxidil". It makes my pee tube burn, but I can't have any more kids, 7 is enough!
D: (obviously frustrated) no, no, NO! Minoxidil is for baldness!
P: (looking at doctor a little leary-ly) doc ... I ain't bald.

et cetera, et cetera.

It lasted like this for 15 minutes. We couldn't agree on the name of the lesions, the meds, and whether he had a "colostomy" versus a "colonoscopy" for colon cancer screening.

I think Darwin was wrong.