Thank god for Hanes ...

... and maybe undershirts in general.

I don't consider myself a smelly guy, but let's just say if I had a superpower, it'd have something to do with my ability to manufacture sweat.

It's not a smelly sweat (I think it smells like flowers), it's just there - unless I was drinking the night before, and I'm so lame, that barely happens these days.

I sweat a lot when I exercise and that's expected and good. The process of evaporation of the sweat actually sucks heat away from the body and cools you down. When you're outside in the sun and you stop sweating - you're in trouble.

To dispel your mental image of me sweating like the "weight-challenged" kid to the left here, I don't sweat ALL the time. I'm civilized. I bathe regularly. I wear a pleasant but mild-smelling antiperspirant. Garlic is not a regular part of my diet. And ... I wear an undershirt under my dress shirts at work (and the "wicking" kind under my tshirts when I work out).

For some reason, I have noticed that there are a lot of my contemporaries and younger peers who have decided to eschew the undershirt. Why? Do they want to be smelly and have pit stains? I don't get it.

And, finally, what's the "wife beater"? Do they come free with purchase of large, tacky gold chains? They do, usually, cause the growth of cheesy facial hair.

They aren't very functional. There is no fabric in the area that needs the most absorption. They also are kind of ugly, fashion-wise. Very few guys can pull off the ribbed, stained white cotton look.

Maybe that's why the people who wear them are angry all the time. Maybe they're angry at their wives for not getting them the 95% cotton Hanes undershirt with no tag that feels like a warm hug.

Sheesh, silly misogynists. Everybody needs a (non-sweaty) hug to get you through the day ...